Since this Entry, we had made up, but the he broke up with me yet again within minutes after talking to me on the phone : Click here to read more
Ok, so yesterday i text my partner asking why i haven't heard from him, then the reply i get is: Jay. I'm out of this relationship, there's no one else, just not what i want. I should've spoke up last night, but didnt thinking i'd get through how i felt, but have not and will not. If you want a reason then: your fault finding with the way i email or text, or other things you take the wrong way all the time and your mood swings (by this he means that i pick up on something not being ok with him, so i ask him if things are ok -sorry for caring eh?) He actually said things are fine, but just goes to show what i picked up on was correct...And you know how you get moody when you dont sleep? He's refering to that. Which i might add hasn't happened in a while cause im getting sleep, finally, no thanks to him. Continuing the text: Sorry but i cannot cope with this. (seperate text) Not only that but the sexual side I am not Active, im passive though I tried i cannot go against basic nature (He knows this isn't anything to do with it because we've tried other ways and he didn't like it, his words exactly was "it doesnt feel right, it's weird") Continuing the text: also your attitude on the phone was not nice, you were off with me (He's refering to me being upset because he's saying "I love you and Miss you" but then he hardly texts me and ignores emails - Not exactly convincing. And all he had to say was " i didn't think you'd email me at this address" I ALWAYS use that address.) Continuing the text: telling me you werent waiting around etc when the previous night I waited over an hour and a half or more for you to text me back saying when to phone you. Next day you wonder why i never talked, cause i fell asleep waiting, but again you put the fault on me, yeh you appologised last night but it made you moody with me for that 24 hours (I had forgot to text him back because i had my niece here and she were wanting to do some acting, and in doing this i completely forgot. I appologised to him on the phone cause i actually thought it were down to him not calling me, but it were my own fault. And i said i'm not waiting around because the other week i got told he were on a Swinging site, which turned out to be true. He claims it was from before he met me, ok, fine with that, but i also asked him when i talked on the phone if there's someone else, because he seems uninterested in the relationship, and his answer was "no, im not like that" And now this...makes you wonder. And i'm not sure what he means by me being moody for 24 hours cause i wasnt. I were upset for a few hours, but was ok afterwards) Continuing the text: Also that episode with the quilt. I never said anything but i felt like walking home at 3am when it happened. I aint staying with someone who treats me like that. (he's refering to me throwing a quilt over him, which i might add he were laughing and joking about it the night it happened, and a few days later, calling me a drama queen, so what the hell? It's not like i'm violent, like his ex was I have never been violent towards him.) Continuing the text: I wont be answering text, emails or front door. There are many ways to break up with someone and this is mine, and no i aint in touch with Anon or anyone else (Anon was a friend of his who caused alot of trouble for us) Dont read this text as me having an attitude or being angry, its just text, and i am sorry for how things have turned out. I aint changing my mind.(How can i not read it a having an attitude or being angry when it's clearly reads that way? He doesn't get angry, he says...)
I knew this were coming (it's happened 5 or 6 times before) And when it does he does the same thing: deletes me off Facebook, MySpace, YouTube etc - it's like he hates me... and he says I have mood swings and I'm a drama queen. It's like he wants to hurt me but yet when we make up he says he's sorry and that he loves me...it's just words. Actions speak lounder and as this has shown it's TRUE. How can you go from "I love you and miss you lots, goodnight babe" to this? Does he even know what love is. It seems like he likes the idea of having someone to call his boyfriend but when it comes to the relationship he doesnt care who he hurts. All the above just seem to be little things he's trying to find wrong, as he has done before when this has happened, so i ask: what's the real reason? It's been a year this month since we met and he chooses to do this. He has nice timing. He's done this on christmas, too. If he doesn't mean to hurt me then why does he act this way? It's not a nice way to treat someone you're supposed to love.And also he'll just ignore my texts, emails and even me calling at his home, that's nice. But i told him not to worry cause i won't call at his home. I know he has a fear of confrontation, due to his ex beating him, but this is ME, and i'm not like that. I've done nothing but care for him and try my best to make sure he feels comfortable and loved.Not only that but I've bought him a new mobile phone for his birthday that cost me over 100 pound and put me in debt for a while, i've made sure he had a nice birthday, i've bought him the magazines he likes to read, i've payed him into the cinemas numerous times, bought him take away numerous times, payed my mum money to have him stay here tons of times, bought him socks cause the ones he had werent fit for wearing, bought him a christmas present cause none of his family bothered plus other things, and this is how i get repayed....I think it speaks for itself. So the question is: now what? Do i wait and see if he changes his mind (as he always has done in the past) or do i start the journey of moving on? See how it's like he's playing mind games? I have things that he's bought me here in my room but if this is it, it's actually over then i'm going to do what i did with my last boyfriends gifts and burn them...either that or return them to him.I'd also like my things back that he has and he can have the bits of belongings he's left here too. If i dont hear from him in so many days i'm gonna change my mobile number and email address then get on with my life. If something happens in in a relationship that you dont like you're meant to talk about it with your partner, not get upset and break up with them.God, if i were like that i'd be breaking up with him quite alot too. My last text to him said: Do you even care anymore...? We shall see.
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